How did we get from there … to here? Married, two more kids, owning a home, working a good job, following a fitness dream, living comfortably.. Just all of the things.
After all of the things that happened with Jack, specifically the last break in - that was when Payton and I decided that we were getting the hell out of dodge and moving to Washington.
That last break in happened on May 15th, we had court for a 5 year protection order a few weeks after and I was completely moved to Washington by the end of June/early July. My mom and I packed up my entire apartment, my aunt (a literal saint) transformed her home and made a room for me and a separate room for Payton and gave us a place to live, and we left.
I tried to attend a community college while I lived there prior to moving home in December (so we lived there for like 6 months), moved home - shit hit the fan again and I moved into a small home with my girlfriend Katelyn (I don’t think she’d mind me sharing her name). After the last break-in incident, I did not live alone again until I was 23, woof.
I attempted to go back to school like 8000 times, or that’s what it felt like. I tried to go online, I tried to go to the USD satellite campus in Sioux Falls, SD - could’ve gone to USD in Vermillion (25 min away vs an 1hr and 15) but was too stubborn to do that because that’s what my mom wanted me to do. I got my job back at HSC and again worked for 3p - 11p, had to rely heavily on my mom, again to watch Payton. I decided at some point that I wanted to make some more money so … get this - I applied to work at the State Prison in Springfield, SD. L - O - L. Why I thought that this was going to be a good idea, is beyond me. But don’t worry, I fucked up this job REAL quick.
I started at the prison, and shortly after - Jack started calling my phone, somehow he had heard that I started working in Springfield and he was NOT impressed. One day while I was at work I noticed his name was on the transfer list. He was going to be coming from Sioux Falls to Springfield to be housed there. To try to save my own hide, I notified my supervisor of the conflict of interest to see if I could stop the transfer. I just knew we could not both be there at the same time. When he found out his transfer was halted, he threw me under the bus. The warden went through his phone records and listened to our conversations - I had mentioned in one of them that an inmate at the prison was someone he and I went to high school with. Which is a security issue. I showed up for work one morning, went to check my daily assignment, and got walked right back out to my car 👍. Super embarrassing - but I knew that what I was doing was wrong, he convinced me it was okay - that it didn’t matter, everything would be fine, and I was still all sorts of wrapped up in that. I lied to my family for-ev-er about why I lost my job at the prison, I was mortified, AND they all thought that I hadn’t spoken to him in months so how could I tell them?! After everything?! Not a chance in hell. I also have a few members of my IMMEDIATE family who still to this day never even knew I worked there, why I’ve ‘hidden’ it I’m still trying to figure out.
Payton and I moved, again, into a house with my gal pal Georgi - and I got a job working at the Holiday Inn Express in Yankton at the front desk. I worked there for over a year, was offered a management role in Omaha, NE and declined. I was too scared to move two hours away from my family with NO help for Payton, and after that I decided that I should look for a more 8-5 job. It’s kind of comical to me that I was like ‘I need a better job for Payton’ but I was going out - ALL the time, drinking literally almost every single day. I ended up finding a job that gave me better hours - but again, still going out all the damn time - doing whatever I wanted, when I wanted - no change in parenting style whatsoever.
I also started dating. One relationship during this time frame sticks out in particular. Man I thought that this guy was IT for me, he didn’t care that I had a kid, wanted to do stuff with all three of us not just him and I - but he was a real freaking dick. He would put me down in front of his friends, if we got in a fight and broke up - he literally would have other girls at his house like that exact same night. And gosh dang it ladies, why in the hell do we fight for people like that?! But I did. And we drank A LOT…like every weekend, often several weeknights, and when we drank we fought. I was/am not a very secure person, so things just rattled my chain, and I often felt ‘less than’, compared myself to other girls he had slept with or kept around when I wasn’t around. The longer we were together, the more comfortable he got ‘parenting’ Payton. Which went from an ‘okay’ thing to not so ‘okay’ pretty quick. Payton still remembers one time when we were at his house, he thought Payton was in the kitchen and he wasn’t, and he ended up spanking Payton because he thought that Payton was lying. Payton was literally three years old - and two(ish) years later we were at the pool, and he was sitting next to me on the sunchair and asked me if I remembered when that happened … heartbreaking.
Anyway - I hung on for way too long, against literally everyone’s advice, he ended up cheating on me with an ex-girlfriend of his’ little sister? Weird, and the door was closed. I did not handle the break up well - kept on drinkin’, kept going out, all the things. I went out for New Years, and my house was at most 4 blocks from downtown but it was cold AF, so I drove. If you’ve ever gone out with me, once I’ve had so much to drink, I decide I’m done and I dip out and go home. It’s not good hahaha, I would say I’m working on it but I don’t really drink anymore. Well this night - I decided it was time for me to go - I got into my car, made a right hand turn, and turned into the farthest lane … on fucking New Years Eve. Obviously, there were cops everywhere, so I got pulled over in my front yard, and I got a DUI. My biggest rock bottom.
I was working the Accounts Payable cattle desk at Cimpl Meats, I got my license suspended, I was still on my moms auto insurance at this point(because my mom helped me out a ton), so I screwed her insurance rate. I literally thought my life was over. I worked at a job making barely enough to get by, I spent more than I made because I wanted to be able to do what everyone else who didn’t have a child was doing. I was definitely in a place where I blamed everything that was happening to me on everything else around me, instead of being like ‘Hey Lauren, you’re actually - just like…messing this stuff up by yourself.”
After that , I was starting to realize like – okay, if you want your life to be different, you’ve got to actually do something about it. Payton and I moved, again, into a house that was just for the two of us. It was the first time we had been alone in a home since all the craziness with Jack and I. The DUI and the move all happened while I was still talking to the boob of a guy that I mentioned above. (I should add, that people do change - and he is married with a beautiful family now, and even though I’m reliving this history with him - I’m assuming he grew out of the whole douche phase). I slowed down my drinking a little bit, kept my job at Cimpls’, Payton was starting kindergarten - things were HAPPENIN’, and then I totaled my car. So I slowed down on my drinking but I was still fucking dumb. Remember how I thought this guy was IT for me - even though we broke up and got back together like every 30 seconds, one night we were texting. I had been drinking and he was telling me that he wanted to hang out, that we could talk about our relationship, and I decided to go for a booze cruise. It had rained a LOT that day/night and he lived/lives out in the country, and county roads are narrow, no shoulder whatsoever. Well I had, had a little much to drink, on a wet road, my tire slipped off the side of the road into the soaked ditch, and my little Kia Sportage that I loved so much got sucked in. And that bitch flooded REAL quick. Water was coming up through the bottom of my car, I got out of the car through the window, it was a disaster. I called this guy and he and his brother came and pulled my car out of the ditch so I didn't have to call the cops and towed it to their house. The next day - I had to do the SERIOUS walk of shame (without the walk) and call my mother to come and get me because my car would not start. I also lied to her about what happened. I told her I was sober and just had gotten pulled off the road. I felt like this was just another thing for her to be disappointed in me about and as much as I didn’t want to disappoint her anymore, I also wasn't changing enough. So I had gotten my license back, then totaled my car, and now had to figure out how to pay for a new vehicle.
I’m anxious just reliving all this shit LOL - there’s so much more to add, but too much for one post. So this shit storm will continue next week.
Xoxo,
Lo
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