First off, I am literally lol-ing at the title because who remembers Maury?! Literally that whole show was made up of couples coming on and getting paternity test results, hahah ahhh... the drama.
Fun fact: After I had Payton - I filed for child support, which I did not want to do but my mom told me I should. Jack fired back at me and ‘paid’ for me to get a DNA test to prove he was the biological father. L O FUCKING L. Such a joke.
Let’s talk about a big day - ‘Gotcha Day’, quite literally the most freeing day of my life.
Mitchell adopted Payton on February 4th, 2020. We had my family and Mitchell’s family present and one of my best gals that I met through the online fitness community who is a FANTASTIC photographer came and captured it all. I was so fearful that day would never happen.
Jack was never a ‘provider’ for Payton, we’ve covered that. But I’ve also never received any of the child support I filed for other than one time, shortly after the adoption - I got a $164.00 check to put into Payton’s account and then everything stopped.
When he wasn’t in prison, he worked for his dad, painting. I’m almost 100% confident that he was paid in cash, because I never received his garnished wages, and I’m also 100% confident that he has never filed income taxes otherwise - IF he had a return… I’d get it.
I always knew that when I got married I wanted whoever I married to be Payton’s dad, and I thought Jack would throw a huge fit about it. He’s the type of person, I feel, that likes to claim property. Once something is his, good luck getting it to be any other way. I was so excited for that day (to be married, and file for adoption) and so fearful that it wouldn’t work. I constantly lived in the ‘what if’s’.
What if Jack got his shit together and the judge decided to grant him visitation?
What if I ended up having to share Payton over the weekends?
What if the judge just said … no.
All things that literally would keep me up at night. So the way this all played out, is bananas to me.
Mitchell and I discussed the whole adoption process with my stepdad, who is an attorney, prior to us getting married. We were both like, okay we’re doing this thang called marriage, lets get it done so on wedding day - all three of us will have the same last name. After a few discussions, decided it would be better to wait until we were officially married because a marriage is more ‘concrete’ than an engagement. Which is true - ya never know, I coulda been a run-a-way bride 😉.
In November of 2019 - some gal I’d never seen before, never heard of, sent me a message on FaceBook and the message read:
"Hey Jack wanted me to message you and ask if he could possibly talk to you about signing over his rights of Payton over to you. He is in Springfield right now so I'm not sure if there is some sort of process you can do while he is in there but i just told him i would message you and let you know at least."
To say that this message made me shit my pants - is an understatement.
First off, did he have some come to Jesus revelation in prison and finally figure out that he shouldn’t be involved in Payton’s life? Like what is going on here. I responded that I would look into it and let her know.
She responded thanking me for looking into it, sharing her phone number with me and told her I could call her with any questions. And we started the process.
Initially we thought that Jack had to sign a form relinquishing him of all parental rights to Payton. In doing that we thought that he’d be out of the picture, never to be heard from again. Then we found out that even if he signed that form, he could come back years later and essentially take it back. He could take Mitchell and I back to court, and if he legitimately had his shit together get his custody back. Well … that’s not going to work for us so we did some more digging.
We found the form that’s called ‘Consent to Adoption’ which would release his rights to Mitchell and I and we could literally write him off, change Payton’s name and never look back.
I told this gal that was the plan, and she never responded.
Two weeks later, she reaches out and says ‘Jack wants to know if you would take into consideration forgiving the back child support he owes. He just has a lot of court obligations he has to pay for and it will be hard for him to get ahead in life’
Excuse me, wut?
You mean to tell me, this guy - who has literally put me through the ringer, scarred me for life, left me high and dry with a baby, who never did a thing for Payton or I, wants me to do him a favor and write off his backdated child support. Not freaking happening. AND that’s not even my decision as it turns out, DSS makes that call - so even though I wouldn’t have anyways, it was out of my hands.
She encouraged me to ask DSS anyways and then told me that if I had anything to say to Jack that I could tell her and she would be our middle man, and I wasn’t having that. We were together for far to long for me to use some gal I’ve never met mediate our conversations so I messaged her back and told her that if he wanted to discuss things, he could go ahead and give me a call. I knew he still had the number.
Sure enough, a day or two later, I’m at work and my phone rings - guess who it is.
Yup, Jack. The conversation took me back to high school and my early 20s and he talked to me the exact same way. He was trying to ask me a million questions about my life, my husband, where I lived, where I worked, what I did for work - all the things. Then he got like crabby about my husband and the fact that I was married - asking me if Mitchell did all these different things. Like yes, fucker, he does AND THEN A MILLION OTHER THINGS cause he’s a good ass dude.
Finally I’m like, ‘Jack, can you just get to it? What do you want?’ and so the conversation began about forgiving all of the backdated support. Which is ~$22,000.00 from the day Payton was more until the day the adoption was legal.
He then begins to tell me this giant ass sob story about how he owes these various counties all these court fees, he owes restitution for a handful of things and then on top of the backdated child support he didn’t have a job lined up when he was to be released, and he just really wanted to get his life together. Which I totally get - that shit sucks. However, I knew that while in prison he joined a Native American gang called The Boyz, the logo of the gang is literally tattoo’d in the center of his chest. And I’m just on the other end thinking, how much did you really get your life together if you’re out here joining gang’s and probably making outrageous promises to these people while locked up.
My response was - why on earth would I do that? Why would I cut him any slack when I was forced to make shit work because of his lack of support? Why would I let him off on potentially being able to help fund a car for Payton, tuition, braces, etc when he hasn’t done shit for him? Jack, you haven’t done a single fucking thing for this kid, his entire life, the LEAST you could do for him is give him the money that’s his. Mitchell and I don’t/didn’t need the money, we have been doing just fine without it. And the argument popped off, he felt like if he was going to sign that petition that he was doing me a favor (which really, he did), he told me that because I had a better life and wasn’t willing to do this I just wanted to see him fail, that I wanted to set him up for failure, he began to tell me how hard HIS life was, and played victim the entire phone call. It was ridiculous.
Inevitably he signed the form. We were ecstatic. And then he was released from prison. My biggest fear, then turned into ‘what if he shows up at this hearing and decides to fight me for this?’ because that was a very real thing. The document listed where the court hearing was going to be held, it listed my name/address, if he wanted to or could get a ride, he 100% could have shown up.
Then it was Payton’s turn to sign. I really should have taken this time to better explain to Payton what was going on in his life and why we were doing what we were doing. But, my mom, Mitchell, my step dad (who represented us legally), and I got together at a hockey tournament, and briefly explained to Payton the form he was being asked to sign, what it meant, and then told him that he had every right to NOT sign it. He could choose to not and the entire process would stop. I remember so vividly that as he was being given the option to leave things as is, he immediately picked up the pen and signed the form stating that he had given Mitchell the permission to legally adopt him.
It was ‘Gotcha Day’. My family and Mitchell’s family all came together in Elk Point to be there for Payton and our family and celebrate the adoption. During the hearing the only people allowed in the courtroom were myself, Mitchell and my step dad. I had to answer a line of questions from my stepdad about my relationship with Jack, why we were trying to move forward with the adoption, and a few questions about Mitchell and our relationship. It was the first time I had said out loud all of the things that transpired between Jack and I at one time. I had talked about things with my friends but when you have to sit there and recollect every event - it was emotional. I cried. My step-dad got teary eyed. It was hard.
The judge ruled in our favor, declared Mitchell Payton’s legal guardian and the rest of the family was able to come in and start the celebration. This year marked the 5 year anniversary of Payton’s adoption. The excitement I think has worn off for Payton, but I’ll continue to make us celebrate because it was one of the best days of my life, the biggest breath of fresh air.
This entire process is nothing BUT a God thing. I scream prayed for this day. So many days and nights I was on my knees in my bedroom crying pleading to God for a man like Mitchell to come and save us. To step in and give Payt the father he deserves, to help me figure out this parenthood thing, for us to not be alone, everything. And it was happening. I have done so many fucked up things, and felt that even though I prayed for these things why would they happen to me? I tended to only lean on God when I needed/wanted something. I wasn’t living a life He would be proud of, and He continues to bless me. I wish I could put into words how it makes me feel, and how grateful I am.
Some time down the line, I’d love to write a post on Mitchell’s perspective on all of this. On our life, this process, my baggage - maybe I can bake him a nice meal and persuade him to let me do it interview style.
Until next week...
xoxo,
Lo
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